
TSDENISON & COMPANY 

PUBIISHERJ CHICAGO 



DENISON'S ACTING PLAYS. 

A Partial List of Successful and Popular Plays. Lar^e Catalogue Free. 
Price 15 Cents Each, Postpaid, Unless Different Price is Given. 



DRAMAS. COMEDIES, ENTER- 
TAIISMENTS, Etc. 

M. F. 

After the Game, 2 acts, 1]4. 

hrs (25c) 1 9 

All a Mistake, 3 acts, 2 hrs. (25c) 4 4 
All That Glitters Is Not Gold, 

2 acts, 2 hrs 6 3 

Altar of Riches, 4 acts, 2^ hrs. 

(25c) 5 5 

American Hustler, 4 acts, 2^ 

hrs (25c) 7 4 

Arabian Nights, 3 acts, 2 hrs... 4 5 
Bank Cashier, 4 acts, 2 hrs. (25c) 8 4 
Black Heifer, 3 acts, 2 hrs. (25c) 9 3 

Bonnybell, 1 hr (25c).Optnl. 

Brookdale Farm, 4 acts, 2%. hrs.- 

(25c) 7 3 

Brother Tosiah, 3 acts, 2 h.(25c) 7 4 
Busy Liar, 3 acts, 21^ hrs. (25c) 7 4 

Caste, 3 acta, 2i/2 hra 5 3 

Corner Drug Store, 1 hr.(25c)17 14 
Cricket an the Hearth, '3 acts, 

n4 hrs 7 8 

Danger Signal, 2 acts, 2 hrs... 7 4 
Daughter of the Desert, 4 acts, 

2i4 hrs (25c) 6 4 

Down in Dixie, 4 acts, 2J^ hrs. 

(25c) , 8 4 

East Lynne, 5 acts, 2^ hrs.... 8 7 

Editor-in-Chief, 1 hr (25c)10 

Elma, 1 M hrs (25c) Optnl. 

Enchanted Wood, l^h.(SSc) Optnl. 

Eulalia, 1^ hrs (25c) Optnl. 

Face at the Window, 3 acts, 2 

hrs (25c) 4 4 

From Sumter to Appomattox, 4 

acts, 2iX hrs .• (r^c) 6 2 

Fun on the Podunk Limited, 

iVz hrs (25c) 9 14 

Uandy Andy (Irish) , 2 acts, 1 ^ h. 8 2 
Heiress of Hoetown, 3 acts, 2 

hrs (25c) 8 4 

High School Freshman, 3 acts, 

2 h (25c) 12 

Home, 3 acts, 2 hrs 4 3 

Honor of a Cowboy, 4 acts, 2^ 

hrs (25c) 13 4 

Iron "Hand, 4 acts, 2 hrs. .(25c) 5 4 
It's All in the Pay Streak, 3 

acts, IH hrs (25c) 4 3 

Jayville Junction, 1 '/^ hrs. (25c) 14 17 
Jedediah Judkins, J. P., 4 acts, 

2y2 hrs (25c) 7 5 

Kingdom of Heart's Content, 3 

acts, 214 hrs ..(25c) 6 12 

Light Brigade, 40 min (25c) 10 

Little Buckshot, 3 acts, 2yi hrs. 

(25c) 7 4 

Lodge of Kye Tyes, 1 hr.(25c)13 
Lonely ville Social Club, 3 acts, 

P/4 hrs (25c) 10 



M. F. 

Louva, the Pauper, 5 acts, 2 h. . 9 4 
Alan from Borneo. 3 acts, 2 hrs. 

(25c) 5 2 

Man from Nevada, 4 acts, 2^ 

hrs (25c) 9 5 

Mirandy's Minstrels. . . . (25c) Optnl. 

New Woman, 3 acts, 1 hr 3 6 

Not Such a Fool as He Looks, 

3 acts, 2 hrs ■. . . 5 3 

Odds with the Enemj', 4 acts, 

1 H hrs ; 7 4 

Old Maid's Club, 15^ hrs. (25c) 2 16 
Old School at Hick'ry Holler, 

114 hrs (25c) 12 9 

Only Daughter, 3 acts, 1%. hrs. 5 .2 
On the Little Big Horn, 4 acts, 

2j^ hrs .(25c) 10 4 

Our Boys, 3 acts, 2 hrs 6 4 

Out in the Streets, 3 acts, 1 hr. 6 4 

Pet of Parson's Ranch, 5 acts, 2 h. 9 2 

School Ma'am, 4 acts, 1 34 hrs. . 6 5 

Scrap of Paper, 3 acts, 2 hrs.. 6 6 

Seth Greenback, 4 acts, 1 J-:i hrs. 7 3 

Soldier of Fortune, 5 acts, 2^/2 h. 8 3 j 

Solon Shingle, 2 acts, 1^ hrs.. -7 2 

Sweethearts, 2 acts, 35 min...; 2 2 
Ten Nights in a Barroom, 5 

acts, 2 hrs 7 4 

Third Degree, 40 min (25c) 12 

Those Dreadful Twins, 3 acts, 

2 hrs (25c) 6 4 

Ticket-of -Leave Man, 4 acts, 2^4 

hrs 8 3 

Tony, The Convict, 5 acts, 2}4 

hrs (25c) 7 4 

Topp's Twins, 4 acts, 2 h. .(25c) 6 4 

Trip to Storyland, lH hrs. (25c) 17 23 

Uncle Josh, 4 acts, 2J4 hrs. (25c) 8 3 

Under the Laurels, 5 acts, 2 hrs. 6 4 
Under the Spell, 4 acts, 2i^ 

hrs (25c) 7 3 

Yankee Detective, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 8 3 

FARCES. COMEDIETTAS. Etc. 

April Fools,* 30 min 3 

Assessor, The, 10 min 3 2 

Aunt Matilda's Birthday Party, 

35 min 11 

Baby Show at Pineville, 20 min. 19 

Bad Job, 30 min 3 2 

Betsy Baker, 45 min 2 2 

Billy's Chorus Girl, 25 min... 2 3 

Billy's Mishap, 20 min 2 3 

Borrowed Luncheon, 20 min.. 5 

Borrowing Trouble. 20 min.... 3 5 

Box and Cox, 35 min 2 1 

Cabman No, 93, 40 min 2 2 

Case Against Casey, 40 min... 23 
Convention of Papas, 25 min. . . 7 

Country Justice. 15 min 8 

Cow that Kicked Chicago, 20 m. 3 2 



T. S. DENISON & COMPANY. 154 W. Randolph St.. Chicago 



BUSINESS IS BUSINESS 



A COMEDY 



BY 

HARRY L. NEWTON 

h 

AUTHOR OF 

'Breakfast Food for Two," "A Bundle of Burnt Cork Comedy,'' "The Coming: 

Champion," "The Coontown Thirteen Club," "The Corner Drug Store," 

"The Counterfeit Bills," "A Dutch Cocktail," " Five Minutes from Yell 

College," "The Heiress of Hoetown," "The Little Red School House,^^ 

"Laughlatid, Via the Ha Ha Route," "Marriage and After," 

" Oshkosh Next Week," " The Pooh Bah of Peacetown," "The 

Rest Cure," "Si and I," "A Sunny Son of Italy," 

" The Troubles of Rozinski," " Two Jay Detectives," 

"Uncle Bill at the Vaudeville" and "When 

the Circus Came to Town." 




CHICAGO 

T. S. DENISON & COMPANY 

Publishers 



-.^ 



BUSINESS IS BUSINESS 



^ "a^^ 

f.^.' 



CHARACTERS. 

Jacob Lowenstein A Cloak Merchant 

JiMMiE Brooks His Bookkeeper 

Madge Clay His Stenographer 

The action of the play transpires in Lowenstein's office 
during baseball season. 



Place — Nciv York. 



Time — Early Afternoon, this Summer. 



Time of Playing — Thirty Minutes. 



Notice. — Production of this play is free to amateurs, but 
the sole professional rights are reserved by the Publishers. 



COPYRIGHT_, 1912, BY EBEN II. NORRIS. 

TMPS6-GC7C32 



©GID 3019B 



BUSINESS IS BUSINESS 3 

CHARACTERS AND COSTUMES. 

Jacob Lowenstein is not a burlesque on the Hebrew 
race. He is an Americanized Jew, speaking with a sHght 
accent. He should appear to be about 40 years of age, is 
smoothly shaven, with nose built up prominently ; wears a 
wig of dark curly hair and a neat business suit. He is proud 
of the name Lowenstein and of his cloak business and must 
show it above everything. 

Jimmy is a youth of about 20, chock full of vim and dash. 
He is madly in love with Madge and baseball. Dresses in a 
light suit and straw hat. 

Madge is young and pretty. Wears a neat shirt waist and 
ankle length skirt. Should be lively but not "flip" and in the 
proposal scene with Lowenstein shows that she feels for 
him but that her heart belongs to Jimmy. 

PROPERTIES. 
Desk, telephone, ink, pens, pencils, letters, one or two 
account books and other articles generally found on an oflice 
desk. Typewriter, paper, pad, pencil, etc., for Madge's desk. 
Cigarettes and newspaper with colored sporting page for 
Jimmie. Hand mirror and powder chamois for Madge. 
Cigar for Lowenstein. Oflice clock on flat R. C. 

STAGE SETTING. 

— I Door I 



Clock *- 



\ 



Coat Tree 
_L Chair Door 

^®°'' Typewriter's! 1 

Desk I ' 

O Chair 



Desk I ] o Chair | [ Table 



STAGE DIRECTIONS. 
R. means right of the stage ; C, center ; R. C, right cen- 
ter; L., left; R. D., right door; L. D., left door, etc.; 1 E., 
first entrance ; U . E., upper entrance, etc. ; D. F., door in 
flat or scene running across the back of the stage ; 1 C, first 
grooves, etc. The actor is supposed to be facing the audience. 



BUSINESS IS BUSINESS 



Scene: Jacob Lovvenstein's private office. Box set in 
3. Doors C. R. and L. Doors R and L. backed with inte- 
riors. Stenographer's desk zvith typezvriter, L. C, opposite 
L. door. Library table with books and papers, C. Flat- 
topped desk with swivel chair, ^esk phone and extra chair. 
Coat tree R. of C. door. Oifice clock on flat R. C. See Scene 
Plot for stage setting. 

Curtain rises to ringing of tele-phone bell, which subsides 
after two or three full rings. Enter Jimmy_, door C, zvith 
hands in coat pockets, hat pulled savagely over his eyes and 
cigarette in mouth. Removes hat and conceals cigarette be- 
hind his back, implying that he is taking an unwonted lib- 
erty. After a cautious glance around the room which seems 
to satisfy him that he is alone, he replaces hat and puffs 
cigarette vigorously, exhaling disgruntled cloud of smoke. 
Goes down to table C, straddling one corner; picks tip early 
edition of afternoon nezvspaper, turns hurriedly oz'cr to the 
sporting pages, reads for a moment and slams it down in 
disgust. As an aftertJwught but zvith evident ill feeling he 
picks up the paper and folds it carefully. Rises, jabs his 
hands down deep into trouser pockets and zvalks tozvard 
door, L. His zvJiole attitude must convey a grouch. Door, 
C, opens and Madge enters. She looks at the dejected Jimmy 
apparently in no hurry to speak to him and zvalks dozvn to 
hat tree, R. C. Business of removing hat and coat. She 
crosses over to her desk^ L. C, opens drawer, takes out hand 
mirror and pozvder chamois. Turning tozvard audience 
with business of pozvdering face. She replaces the outfit-, 
shuts drazver decisively and says cheerily : 

Madge. Well, ]\Ir. Grouch, what's the trouble? (Jimmy 
turns to face her and removes hat.) And on such a beau- 
tiful day, too. 

4 



BUSINESS IS BUSINESS 5 

Jimmy. Yes, that's just the trouble. (Crosses back to 
table.) This weather is for ball playing, not keeping books. 
(Picks up paper.) Do you know who pitches today? 

Madge (innocently). Certainly. (Names prominent base- 
ball manager.) 

Jimmy. No. (Names some famous pitcher.) In jim- 
dandy form, too, and I've got to slave over those darn 
books. I tell you, it's a shame. 

Madge. Why don't you get off, then? 

Jimmy. I did have my nerve up to ask Lowenstein, but 
of course (zvaving hand at desk, R. C.) he's out. Now 
when he comes in I won't dare. (Disgustedly.) All he 
knows about sport is auction pinochle ! 

Madge. Business is business with him. 

Jimmy. I should say it was. Lowenstein! Could you 
imagine of anything but business with a name like that ! 

Madge. Oh, cheer up, Jimmy. (Sitting down at desk 
and putting copy paper in machine.) Besides I've got loads 
of letters and Mr. Lowenstein won't like it if Lm behind in 
my work. 

Jimmy. Say, Madge, you're mighty anxious to please 
Lowenstein, aren't you? I wish you had as much regard 
for me. (Grandly.) You know you can't keep me jumping 
through hoops forever. 

Madge (looking at clock). You'd better run along like 
a good boy. He'll be back from lunch any minute now. 

Jimmy. Well, what if he will? What do I care? It's 
you, Madge, first, last and always with me. Who cares for 
him ? Lowenstein ! 

Lowenstein (off stage). Don't ship those goods till I 
tell you. I think he owes a balance yet from last year. 
Wait until I look him up. 

At sound of Lowenstein's 7'oice Jimmy does comedy 
sneak through door, L. Madge operates machine vigor- 
ously. Then enter Lowenstein door, C, briskly. He comes 
down to hat tree, R. C. During speech he removes hat and 
changes coat for oifice coat. 

Lowenstein. I will never go out to lunch with Morris 



6 BUSINESS IS BUSINESS 

again. We shake for the kmch — I lose. After lunch we 
shake for the cigars — Morris wins. When it comes to gam- 
bling I'm a lobster. {To IMadge.) Anybody been in? 

Madge {absent mindedly). Yes — Jimmy. 

LowENSTEiN {surprised). What? 

Madge {confusedly). Oh, no; nobody, sir. 

LowENSTEiN {sitting down at desk and picking up scat- 
tered letters). Any telegrams? 

Madge. No, sir. 

LowENSTEiN. Any telephones? 

Madge. No, sir. 

LowENSTEiN. Any word from Wolf? 

Madge. No, sir; not as yet. {Resumes typewriting.) 

LowENSTEiN {meditatively). Um — m — m! I vonder if 
Morris was kiddin' me when he said he was going to land 
Wolf's order? IMorris maybe can skin me with dice, but 
he can't do it when it comes to business. Let's see ; $4,000 
worth of cloaks ; that's $2,000 profit, at least. {Slowly, and 
figuring zvith pencil on paper.) I don't believe it that 
^lorris will get it away from me, either. {To Madge, 
suddenly.) You was certain there was nothing from Wolf, 
eh? 

Madge {startled). No, nothing at all, sir. {Pounds on 
machine.) 

LowENSTEiN {scratching hand with pencil, reflectively) .. 
Um — m — m ! I bet you I gotta take that feller out to lunch 
yet before I clinch that order. That's more clean profit 
gone. {Telephone bell rings. Lowenstein reaches for it 
eagerly.) Aha! That's the sucker now. {Receiver to ear, 
calls:) Yes, yes; sure. This is Lowenstein! No, no; Low- 
enstein, I said. {Spells it.) L-o-w-e-n-s-t-e-i-n. What? 
O'Brien? Say, you got it the wrong number. {Hangs up 
receiver, disgustedly. ) O'Brien ! (Picks up cigar, takes a 
couple of puffs and stares fixedly at Madge the while. 
Aside.) A fine girl that — and a fine worker. For a long 
time now I've been watchin' her and I pretty near come to 
the conclusions I am going to ask her to be my wife. She 
should make a good wife. {Looks all about to see if he is 
observed.) I am goin' to find out if I love her and she 



BUSINESS IS BUSINESS 7 

oves me. {Lays down cigar, then calls suddenly.) Miss 
]^lay, take a letter, please. (Madge rises, picks up pencil 
nd pad, crosses to his desk and sits down ready for dic- 
ation. LowENSTEiN, dictating). Rosenheimer, Stern, 
saacs, Lewinson, Meyers & Co., Chicago. Gentlemen : 
Gazes longingly at Madge's right hand. Abstractedly.) 
Vhat a nice white hand you got. 

Madge {indignantly). Sir! 

LowENSTEiN. Oh, I mean short hand. (Smiles, proud of 
is slyness.) 

Madge (appeased). Yes, sir. 

LowENSTEiN (dictating). Gentlemen: I am sending to- 
lay your order F. O. B. How is business? Everything I 
rust will, be O. K. Is business good? You will find the 
arments O. K. in every respect, except that some are 
lightly moth-eaten, a few are shop-worn and the other 
alf is damaged by water. Otherwise they are as guaran- 
eed — perfect. I trust that business is good with you. 
business is good with me. Yours for business. Jacob 
^owenstein. 

Madge. Is that all? 

LOWENSTEIN (nervously). Yes — no; there is something 

Ise yet. (Toying with pencil, ill at ease.) Umm m! 

low is business in the store yet? 

Jimmy (ojf stage, sings:) "Baseball, baseball, hear 
verybody rooting for their nine." (Then stops suddenly 
nd e.vclaiins disgustedly.) Oh, rats! (Then noise of a 
?dger being slammed upon desk.) 

LOWENSTEIN {looking in direction of noise). What the 
-what's the matter? 

Madge (half laughingly). Oh, that's only Jimmy. You 
now he's a fan, Mr. Lowenstein. 

LOWENSTEIN. A fan? What is it, a fan? 

Madge. A fan, so Jimmy says, is a person who is per- 
ectly willing at any and all times to exchange his meal 
icket for a rain check. 

Lowenstein (puzzled). A rain check? 

Madge (resignedly explaining). Yes. You see Jimmy 
5 just crazy over baseball — 



8 BUSINESS IS BUSINESS 

LowENSTEiN (sprijigiug to Jiis feet). What! Baseball in 
business hours? 

Madge (startled). Yes, sir — but Jimmy thinks the other 
way, sir. He says it is business in baseball hours. Besides, 
he — he wants very much to go to the — the game today. 

LowENSTEiN (dropping back in his chair and staring at 
her in amazement). Jimmy — what? He wants to go to 
the — (stops, overcome.) 

Madge (half crying). I'm — I'm sorry, sir. 

LowENSTEiN. I shall have to talk to him. He's a loafer ! 

Madge (half rising). Is that all, sir? 

LowENSTEiN. Yes — that's all; no, wait. (Tenderly.) I 
think there is something else, too. (Madge sinks into her 
chair again, ivondcringly, and he continues'.) Miss Clay, I 
have been watching you for a long time yet now — and I 
have been thinking about you when I got home at night. 
(She attempts to interrupt, hut he silences her zvith a ges- 
ture and continues.) Madge, whenever I see a new style 
cloak I see you in it. Whenever I write a check I see your 
face in the figures. Now, I ain't no love maker maybe — I'm 
a business man, so you must excuse me if I don't take up 
too much time in business hours with something outside of 
business. Now, I have decided, after deliberate conclusions, 
to make you my wife. (Proudly.) Mrs. Lowenstein. 
(Smiles and rubs his hands together.) 

Madge (rising slowly and backing away from him, sur- 
prise shozving in her face and manner). Why, Mr. Lowen- 
stein. This is — 

Lowenstein (interrupting). A surprise? Sure, I sup- 
pose so. Everybody thinks I am business, all busmess, noth- 
ing else but business. Morris thinks so, too ; but Morris 
don't know what lays here. (Puts one hand on his heart.) 
I'm — I'm tired of being alone. Alone all the time — alone ! 
I want a partner. (With deep feeling.) I want you, Madge. 
I want you to be Mrs. Lowenstein. (Repeats name proudly.) 
Mrs. Lowenstein! (Then with sudden recovery as though 
ashamed of sentiment he reaches in a business like manner 
for the letters on his desk.) Well, what is it? Yes or no? 
Business is business ! 



BUSINESS IS BUSINESS 9 

Madge (trying to spare his feelings and sparring for 
delay.) Mr. Lowenstein, this is so sudden, you know. A 
little time — 

Lowenstein (quickly). Sure. Thirty days. Five off for 
cash. (Noticing Jiis mistake adds quickly). No, no; I mean 
think it over. (Slowly and tenderly.) And think it over — 
right ! 

(Telephone rings, Lowenstein reaches for it, appar- 
ently forgetting Madge, who stands with head bozved, 
hardly knowing whether or not to go.) 

Lowenstein (with receiver to ear, calls:) Hello! hello! 
Yes. What? Oh, that shipment for Weber, Goldman & 
Company? Yes, sure. I shall be right down. (Puts up re- 
ceiver, rises, goes to door, R., and upon reaching it he turns, 
gases fondly at Madge, sighs and exclaims rapturously.) 
Mrs. Lowenstein! (Exit.) 

Madge (looking after him an instant before speaking). 
And I never knew it was in him before, either! (Giz'es a 
little shiver.) Goodness! Mrs. Lowenstein! How could I 
ever be that! (Sighs.) What am I ever to do now? I sup- 
pose he will make my life miserable until I do consent to 
be — (shivers again) Mrs. Lowenstein. (Half laughing and 
crying.) Oh, I wonder what Jimmy would say if he knew. 
(Crosses to typewriting desk.) 

Door, L., opens cautiously and Jimmy puts head in. 

Jimmy. Hist! Boss gone? 

Madge (nodding head vigorously). Uh — huh! He's gone, 
but he'll be back — to see you about baseball. 

Jimmy (coming dozvn and seating himself in a lazy atti- 
tude on her desk). Oh, I ain't afraid of him. But believe 
me, between you and baseball, I sure can't do a lick of 
work. 

Madge (innocently). Me? 

Jimmy. Yes — you know what I mean, Madge. How 
often do I have to tell you that I love you and want you 
to pick out a janitor right awav quick, eh? 



10 BUSINESS IS BUSINESS 

Madge (shyly). Oh, Jimmy! You musn't. 

Jimmy. Mustn't I? Well, I will say it. I love you, I love 
you, I love you ! ! ! There ! Three times I said it — real, loud. 

Madge (earnestly). But are you real sure you mean it, 
Jimmy? 

Jimmy. You know it. 

Madge (looking about in mysterious manner). Jimmy, 
there's something happened today — (suddenly). Jimmy, 
would you be willing to do anything for me — anything? 
(JVith deep conTiction.) The man I marry must! 

Jimmy (quickly). Sure I would. 

Madge. Anything in the whole wide world without ask- 
ing questions? 

Jimmy. You bet! 

Madge (rising and taking him by one arm and speaking 
very earnestly). Then listen, Jimmy. 

Jimmy. With both ears! 

Madge. (As she delivers the following speech Jimmy 
follozvs her closely, repeating eagerly after her the last 
zvords of each point. For instance, "Door zvill open," 'Sealed 
package," "Diamond snake ring," "Blindfold you," etc.) 
Then listen again, Jimmy. You are to take the elevator to 
the seventeenth floor of the Flatiron building, go to room 
3760, the door will open, a man's hand will hold out a 
sealed package, notice if there is a diamond snake ring on 
his third finger ; go to the corner of Broadway and Twen- 
ty-second Street, wait for a man dressed entirely in black 
in a black automobile, look for a diamond snake ring on his 
third finger ; get in the auto ; he'll blindfold you. At exactly 
3 :17 in Chase Woods on the outskirts you will be met by 
three masked men all with revolvers ; if they wear diamond 
snake rings, get out of the auto, give the tallest man the 
sealed package ; you will then be bound and gagged and 
thrown into a deep well — into icy cold water. Now will 
you do that for me, Jimmy? 

Jimmy. Will I? Well, just watch me. (Starts hurriedly 
for center door, but Madge stops him zvith her speech.) 

Madge. Never mind, Jimmy. (Laughs heartily.) I was 
only testing you. 



BUSINESS IS BUSINESS 11 

Jimmy (at door, turns in surprise). Testing? 

Madge (laughingly). Yes, Jimmy. I read that nonsense 
in a book once, and I wanted to see if you could be a hero — 
for me. 

Jimmy (coming back with pleased disgust). Well, if that 
isn't just like a woman. (Jimmy takes her hand; she strug- 
gles very faintly as — ) 

Enter Lowenstein, door R. 

LowENSTEiN (on entering). Any telegrams? Any tele- 
phones? Any word from — (stops abruptly as he sees their 
position.) Say, what does this mean, eh? (Jimmy drops 
her hand and takes a step tozvard door, L.) 

Madge (nervously) . Air. Lowenstein, Jimmy and I — 

LowENSTEiN (endeavoring to control his emotion). So! 
So it is Jimmy, is it? (Madge hangs head abashed, while 
Jimmy is uneasy. Lowenstein sits heavily in chair at his 
desk, picks up a letter which he looks at very carefully as 
though trying to decide just what to do. Aside.) And I 
made love to her — all for nothin'. 

Madge (agitatedly). Mr. Lowenstein, I hope — 

Lowenstein (sharply). Miss Clay, you have took up 
enough time already yet in business hours. Go to your 
work. (To Jimmy.) Come here once, Jimmy. (Madge 
goes slozvly to her desk, Jimmy moves slozvly to Low- 
enstein's desk and stands zvith downcast head.) From the 
looks of things, generally speaking, you have been making 
love to Miss Clay. 

Jimmy (sullenly). Well? And if I have? 

Lowenstein. Let me talk, please. You are gettin' from 
me $18 every Saturday, ain't you? 

Jimmy (sullenly). Yes. 

Lowenstein. From the looks of things, generally 
speakin', you are spending every cent on your back, ain't it ? 

Jimmy. Well, I earn every cent of it and it's my money, 
isn't it? 

Lowenstein. Sure. (Nods head vigorously.) 

Jimmy. I spend my money as I like. I don't ask you 
how you spend yours — 



12 BUSINESS IS BUSINESS 

Madge (raising a protesting hand). Jimmy — don't! 

LowENSTEiN {to JiMMv). Doii't get cxercited ; don't get 
exercited. ( To Madge.) Do you — do you think pretty much 
of Jimmy? {Watching her face and anxiously waiting her 
reply.) 

Madge {with downcast eyes). Yes, sir. 

LowENSTEiN {to JiMMY, cliokingly) . Do you — do you 
love her? 

Jimmy {defiantly). You bet I do? 

Madge. Oh, yes, sir; he really does. (Proudly.) I've 
tested him. 

LowENSTEiN (glancing slowly from one to the other and 
nervously fijigering a letter). ]\iiss Clay, you will please 
oblige me by going into the other room for a minute. I 
should like to talk with Jimmy. (Madge rises slowly, looks 
appealingly at Lowenstein, goes to door, R., and looks 
over her shoulder with an expression of entreaty as she 
exits. To Jimmy.) Jimmy, the point I am tryin' to em- 
bezzle into your head is this : You are makin' and spendin' 
eighteen a week on yourself. What do you expect to do 
with a wife? heh? 

Jimmy. That's all right. She will be my wife and I will 
look out for her. 

Lowenstein. Yes, maybe — but how? (Jimmy starts to 
speak, but Lowenstein checks him zvith a gesture.) Wait! 
I ain't through yet. I myself have some regard for the — 
the young lady in questions. More regard for her than you 
think, Jimmy, and I don't want her to — to get a bum steer. 
Y'understand ? 

Jimmy (half angrily). Mr. Lowenstein, if you hadn't 
been almost like a father to me, Fd — (drazvs back as if to 
strike). 

Lowenstein (pacifying). There, there, Jimmy; don't 
forget yourself. I wasn't goin' to say nothin' about what I 
have done for you, but since you say it yourself, all right. 
Jimmy, I took you off the street when you were peddlin' 
papers, brought you in here, gave you a good edumanca- 
tion, good job and now — now what do you do? (Rising 



BUSINESS IS BUSINESS 13 

and speaking brokenly). You steal from me — you steal 
from me ! 

Jimmy (angrily) You — you lie! I never stole a penny 
from you in all my life — 

LowENSTEiN {holding up one hand) Wait, Jimmy! It 
ain't money I am speakin' of — it's something- else Miss 
Clay — Madge. {Sits heavily in chair, bozvs head on hands.) 

Jimmy {astounded). What! You mean — mean to — to 
say that you — 

LowENSTEiN {interrupting). Sure. A little while ago I 
asked Miss Clay to be {proudly) Mrs. Lowenstein ! 

Jimmy {looks at him a moment in astonishment, then 
bursts into a mocking laugh). Oh, come now, Mr. Lowen- 
stein — 

Lowenstein, That's why I say you **stole" from me, 
Jimmy. She turned me down, and then later I understood 
why. Now, then, I am askin' you, is it gratitude from you 
that I get after what I've done for you? Is it or ain't it? 

Jimmy {hanging head and speaking slozuly). Well, not 
exactly — but it isn't my fault. {Raises head and looks Low- 
enstein squarely in the face. Speaking rapidly.) But you 
needn't think I have to stay here and get ''called'' from 
you. I've done nothing that I am ashamed of. It is true 
you picked me up off the street and gave me a job, but 
believe me I 've earned every cent you ever paid me — and 
you know it. {Turns slozvly away. Speaking more slozvly.) 
And now — now I suppose it's all ofif with me ; Lm the 
"g-oat." {Defiantly.) All right, ]\Ir. Lowenstein — I guess 
you'd better get a new boy. 

Enter Madge, door R., in time to overhear his last zvords. 
Stands back and zvith finger on lips motions Jimmy to con- 
trol himself. 

Lowenstein {drumming on desk zvith tips of fingers. 
Thoughtfully for an instant before replying). Don't get 
exercised, Jimmy. I got to think this out, yet. For eighteen 
dollars a week I couldn't get such a good men as you, 
Jimmy. And eighteen dollars a week ain't so much to sup- 
port a wife on, Jimmv. Y'see, T got to look at this from both 
sides of the story. Besides, if you marry my stenographer, 



14 BUSINESS IS BUSINESS 

I got it to get a new one again, and maybe I don't get as 
good one as the one I got. 

Jimmy (in the mcantinie lias been shifting uneasily on 
his feet and glancing nervously from Madge to Lowen- 
stein). Well? 

LowENSTEiN. Jimmy, I think you'd better go — 

Madge (stepping forward and facing Lowenstein, im- 
peratively). Sir. Lowenstein, this is unworthy of you. 
You have no right to discharge Jimmy for — 

Jimmy (interrupting) . Oh, never mind, !Madge. I don't 
want to work any more for him — there's no use haggling. 

JMadge. You're right, Jimmy. I have felt for a long 
time that we were both foolish for staying here. I know I 
can get more wages, and I feel positive that any other cloak 
firm in the city would be glad to have you with them on 
account of the trade you control — personally. (Smiles tri- 
umphantly at Lowenstein.) 

Lowexsteix (aside). By golly; I forgot that. I pretty 
near put my foot in it. (To Jimmy.) Say, did I say any- 
thin' about dischargin' you? 

Jimmy. Yes, you said I had better go. 

Low^ENSTEix (sickly laugh). It's a misunderstandin', 
Jimmy. I said you'd better go, but I mean to the ball game 
— see? By golly, pretty near I made a mistake! (Laughs 
again, this time more heartily.) 

]\Iadge. Then — then he isn't fired? (Jimmy stares fix- 
edly at him.) 

Lowenstein (rubbing his hands together). Sure not. I 
never thought of such a thing for a minute. (Turns his 
head and winks slyly aside.) 

Jimmy (impidsively puts out his hand to Lowenstein). 
]\Ir. Lowenstein, I want to thank you. 

Lowenstein (grasping the hand). That's all right, 
Jimmy. Now you run along to the ball game. You got a 
half holiday comin' on the firm. 

"Madge. Mr. Lowenstein, T always said you were a 
brick. I want to thank you, too. (Puts out her hand) 

Lowenstein (showing deep agitation now as he looks 
first from her face, then to Jimmy's, aiid slowly takes her 



BUSINESS IS BUSINESS IS 

hand in a firm clasp). It's all right, and I — I congratulate 
you — with all my heart. (Turns away, sinks heavily into 
his chair and pretends to busy himself with the scattered 
letters.) 

Jimmy (going to hat rack and getting hat). Mr. Lowen- 
stein, I want awfully to see the game this afternoon, but if 
you need me here, I'll — (stopping suddenly and glancing at 
Madge). Oh, gee, I forgot. It wouldn't be exactly right to 
duck and leave you — 

LowENSTEiN. Miss Clay also gets a half holiday, Jimmy ; 
get a move on you. (Madge is about to speak to Lowen- 
STEiN^ but changes her mind and instead runs for her hat, 
puts it on, then goes to her desk, takes out bag, etc., and 
for a moment is busy getting ready for street exit.) 

Madge (as she is ready to go, steps to Lowenstein's 
desk). Good-bye, Mr. Lowenstein — and thank you again. 

Lowenstein (gruffly and not looking up from his let- 
ters). So long. 

Jimmy (stepping briskly forward). Thank you again, 
sir. I'll work all the harder to make up for this. 

Lowenstein (restraining Jimmy as he is about to de- 
part). Wait, Jimmy. I said a little while ago that you 
couldn't keep a wife on eighteen a week. Thinkin' it over 
since, generally speakin', to myself, I have come to the 
conclusion that twenty-five a week might do it better. Be 
here at eight sharp in the mornin', Jimmy — business is 
business, y'know. 

Jimmy and Madge (in concert). What! Twenty-five dol- 
lars a week? 

Lowenstein. Say, shut up ; you are takin' up my time. 
Get a move on. 

Madge and Jimmy (clasp each other about the ivaist, 
dance zvith joy and rush through door, L., singing as they 
exit:) Twenly-five dollars a week, a week, twenty-five 
dollars a week, a week. 

Lowenstein (notes their joy and smiles. Immediately 
after their exit his expression changes to sadness and zvith 
an audible sigh he lets his head fall doivn upon his arms. 
He raises his head and speaks slozvly). Love? Love ain't no 



16 BUSINESS IS BUSINESS 

business nohow. Love? Love is a — (pauses a moment, then 
speaks quickly.) I wonder how I can get that order from 
Wolf? {Telephone rings and he grabs receiver eagerly.) 
Hello! Hello! Who is it? Oh, Wolf? {Smiles broadly.) 
How-de-do, Mr. Wolf ? How's business ? That's good. Oh, 
them goods? Sure, I got 'em. How much for cash? Five 
off, sure. All right, I'll ship them tomorrow, Wolf — with- 
out fail. Good-bye. {Hangs up receiver, then speaks 
slowly and with deep meaning.) No, love is not a business. 
Father was right. The cloak business is the business for 
me. {He picks up a pencil and begins to write rapidly, 
to—) 

Curtain. 



DENISON'S ACTING PLAYS. 

Price 13 Ceiks Each. Postpaid. Unless Different Price is Given. 



M. F. 

Documentary Evidence, 25 min. 1 1 
Dude in a Cyclone, 20 min.... 4 2 

Family Strike, 20 min 3 3 

First-Class Hotel, 20 min 4 

For Love and Honor, 20 min.. 2 1 
Fudge and a Burglar, 15 min.. 5 
Fun in a Photograph Gallery, 

30 min 6 10 

Great Doughnut Corporation, 

30 min 3 5 

Great Medical Dispensary, 30 m. 6 
f^reat Pumpkin Case, 30 min. ..12 

Hans Von Smash, 30 min 4 3 

Happy Pair, 25 inin 1 1 

I'm Not Mesilf at All, 25 rnin. 3 2 
Initiating a Granger, 25 min.. 8 
Irish Linen Peddler, 40 min... 3 3 

Is the Editor In? 20 min 4 2 

Kansas Immigrants, 20 min.... 5 1 

Men Not Wanted, 30 rnin 8 

Mike Donovan's Courtship, 15 m. 1 3 
Mother Goose's Goslings, 30 m. 7 9 
Mrs. Carver's Fancy Ball, 40 m. 4 3 
Mrs. Stubbins' Book Agent, 30 

min. 3 

IklAT Lord in Livery, 1 hr 4 

1^ Neighbor's Wife, 45 min... 3 

My Turn Next, 45 min 4 

My Wi'fe's Relations, 1 hr 4 

Not a Man in the House, 40 m. 

Obstinate Family, 40 min 3 3 

Only Cold Tea, 20 min 3 3 

Outwitting the Colonel, 25 min. 3 2 

Pair of Lunatics, 20 min 1 1 

Patsy O'Wang, 35 min 4 3 

Pat, the Apothecary, 35 min . . . 6 2 
Persecuted Dutchman, 30 min.. 6 3 

Regular Fix, 35 min 6 4 

Rough Diamond, 40 min 4 3 

Second Childhood, 15 min 2 2 

Slasher and Crasher, 50 min... 5 2 
Taking Father's Place, 30 min.. 5 3 

Taming a Tiger, 30 min 3 

That Rascal Pat, 30 min 3 

Those Red Envelopes, 25 min. 4 
Too Much of a Good Thing, 45 

min ; • • 3 

Treasure from Egypt, 45 min. 4 

Turn Him Out, 35 min 3 z 

Two Aunts and a Photo, 20 m. . 4 

Two Bonnycastles, 45 min 3 3 

Two Gentlemen in a Fix, 15 m. 2 
Two Ghosts in White, 20 min.. 8 

Two of a Kind, 40 min 2 3 

Uncle Dick's Mistake, 20 min.. 3 2 
Wanted a Correspondent, 45 m. 4 4 

Wanted a Hero, 20 min . . 1 1 

Which Will He Marry? 20 mm. 2 8 

Who Is Who? 40 min ..3 2 

Wide Enough for Two, 45 mm. 5 2 

Wrong Baby, 25 min 8 

Yankee Peddler, 1 hr 7 3 



VAUDEVILLE SKETCHES. R'-ON- 
OLOGUES. ETHIOPIAN PLAYS. 

M. F. 

Ax'in' Her Father, 25 min 2 3 

Booster Club of Blackville, 25 m.lO 
Breakfast Food for Two, 20 m. . 1 1 

Cold Finish, 15 min 2 1 

Coon Creek Courtship, 15 min.. 1 1 
Coontown Thirteen Club, 25 m. 14 

Counterfeit Bills, 20 min 1 1 

Doings of a Dude, 20 min 2 1 

Dutch Cocktail, 20 min 2 

Five Minutes from Yell College, 

15 min • 2 

For Reform, 20 min..^.". 4 

Fresh Timothy Hay, 20 min... 2 1 
Glickman, the Glazier, 25 mm.. 1 1 
Handy Andy (Negro), 12 min.. 2 

Her Hero, 20 min 1 1 

Hey, Rube! 15 min 1 

Home Run, 15 min 1 1 

Hot Air, 25 min 2 1 

Jumbo Jum, 30 min 4 3 

Little Red School House, 20 m. 4 

Love and Lather, 35 min 3 2 

Marriage and After, 10 min... 1 
Mischievous Nigger, 25 min... 4 2 

Mistaken Miss, 20 min 1 

Mr. and Mrs. Fido, 20 min 1 

Mr. Badger's Uppers, 40 min.. 4 
One Sweetheart for Two, 20 m. 
Oshkosh Next Week, 20 min . . 4 

Oyster Stew, 10 min 2 

Pete Yansen's Gurl's Moder, 10 

min 1 

Pickles for Two, 15 min 2 

Pooh Bah of Peacetown, 35 mm. 2 2 
Prof. Blank's Funnygraph, 15 m. 6 

Recruiting Office, 15 min 2 

Sham Doctor, 10 min 4 2 

Si and I, 15 min 1 

Special Sale, 15 min 2 

Stage Struck Darky, 10 mm... 2 1 
Sunny Son of Italy, 15 min... 1 

Time Table, 20 min 1 1 

Tramp and the Actress, 20 mm. 1 1 
Troubled by Ghosts, 10 min... 4 
Troubles of Rozinski, 15 min.. 1 
Two Jay Detectives, 15 min... 3 

Umbrella Mender, 15 min 2 

Uncle Bill at the Vaudewlle, 15 

min I 

Uncle Jeff, 25 min 5 2 

Who Gits de Reward? 30 mm.. 5 1 



A ^reat number of 

Standard and Amateur Plays 

not found here are listed in 

Denison's Catalogue. 



POPUIAR ENTERTAIN 

Price, Illustrated Paper Covers 



ill! o i«v 

LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 



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PUBLISHERS 
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¥N this Series 
are found 
books touching 
every feature 
in the enter- 
tainment field. 
Finely made, 
grood paper, 
clear print and 
each book has 
an attractive 
individual cov- 
er design. 



DIALOGUES 

All Sorts of Dfaloiiues. 

Selected, fine for older pupils. 
Catchy Comic Dialofiues. 

New, clever; for young people. 
Children's Comic Dlaloiiues. 

From six to eleven years of age. 
Dialogues from Dickens. 

Thirteen selections. 
The Friday Afternoon Dialoitues. 

50,000 copies sold. 
From Tots to Teens. 

Dialogues and recitations. 
Lively Dialogues. 

For all ages; mostly humorous. 
When the Lessons are Over. 

Dialogues, drills, plays. 
Wide Awake Dialogues. 

Brand new, original, successful. 

SPEAKERS, MONOLOGUES 

Choice Pieces for Little People. 

A child's speaker. 

The Comic Entertainer. 

Recitations.monologues.dialoguea. 

Dialect Readiniis. 

Irish, Dutch, Negrc, Scotch, etc. 

The Favorite Speaker. 

Choice prose and poetry. 

The Friday Afternoon Speaker. 
For pupils of all ages. 

Humorous Monologues. 
Particularly for ladies. 

Monologues for Yound Folks. 
Clever, humorous, original. 

The Patriotic Speaker. 

Master thoughts of masterminds. 

The Poetical Entertainer. 
For reading or speaking. 

Pomes ov the Peepul. 

Wit, humor, satire; funny poems. 

Scrao'Book Recitations. 

Choice collections, pathetic, hu- 
morous, descriptive, prose, poe- 
try. 14 Nos., per No. 25c. 




015 910 051 0^^ 



The Besi urill Book. 

Very ponular drills and marches. 
The Favorite Book of Drills. 

Drills that sparkle with originality. 
Little Plays With Drills. 

For children from 6 to 11 years. 
The Surprise Drill Book. 

Fresh, novel, drills and marches. 

SPECIALTIES 

The Boys* Entertainer. 

Monologues, dialogues, drills. 
Children's Party Book. 

Plans, invitations, decorations. 

games. 
The Days We Celebrate. 

Entertainments for all the holidays. 
Good Things for Christmas. 

Recitations, dialogues, drills. 
The Little Folks, or Work and Play. 

A gem of a book. 
Little Folks' Bud|{et. 

Easy pieces to speak, songs. 
One Hundred Entertainments. 

New parlor diversions, socials. 
Patriotic Celebrations. 

Great variety of material. 
Prauks and Pastimes. 

Parlor games for children. 
Shadow Pictures, Pantomimes, 

Charades, and how to prepare. 
Tableaux and Scenic Readincfs. 

New and novel; for all ages. 
Twinkling Finders and Swaying 

Figures. For little tots. 
Yuletide Entertainments. 

A choice Christmas collection. 

HAND BOOKS 

The Debater's Handbook. 

Bound only in cloth, 50c. 
Everybody's Letter Writer. 

A handy manual. 
Good Manners. 

Etiquette in brief form. 
Private Theatricals. 

How to put on plays. 
Social Card Games. 

Complete in brief form. 

MINSTRELS, JOKES 

Black American Joker. 

Minstrels' and end men's gags. 
A Bundle of Burnt Cork Comedy. 

Monologues, stump speeches.etc. 
Lau^hland, via the Ha-Ha Route. 

A merry trip for fun tourists. 
Ne^ro Minstrels. 

All about the business. 
The New Jolly Jester. 

Funny stories, jokes, gags, etc. 

Larf^e Hlustrated CataloiJue Free* 



T. S. DENISON & COMPANY. Publishers, 15* W. Randolph St., Chicago 



z^y 



